[亚伯拉罕]最成功的夫妻关系中的六个短语

健康的关系并不意味着永远不会发生争吵。

夫妻之间可以存在健康的分歧，但仍然站在对方一边。

作为心理学家，我们已经幸福地结婚了 35 年，我们发现，在冲突中，你的使命是让自己变得脆弱——将

转化为

“争取权利”的语言

当冲突出现时，最幸福、最成功的夫妻会使用修复和合作的语言。

这是任何人都可以学会做的事情。

我们将建议分为六类短语以及它们有助于哪种修复。

这些是平息升级冲突的行之有效的短语，是根据对 30,000 多对夫妇的多年观察得出的：

1.“我感觉”

当您需要帮助表达当下的情绪时，请使用此功能。

例子：

• “我开始害怕了。”

• “请说得轻一点。”

• “这伤害了我的感情。”

• “这感觉像是一种侮辱。”

• “我觉得自己受到了责备。你能重新表述一下吗？”

• “我觉得你现在还不理解我。”

2.“我需要冷静一下”

当您开始感到被淹没和/或需要片刻修复时，请使用此功能。

例子：

• “我现在需要你的支持。”

• “现在就听我说，试着去理解。”

• “能抱抱我吗？”

• “这对我来说很重要。请听我说。”

• “你能让我的事情变得更安全吗？”

• “我可以收回那句话吗？”

3.“对不起”

当您需要帮助措辞道歉时使用此功能。

例子：

• “我的反应太极端了，对不起。”

• “我真的把那个搞砸了。”

• “让我再尝试一次。”

• “我现在想对你温柔一点，但我不知道该怎么做。”

• “我可以看到我在这一切中所扮演的角色。”

• “我怎样才能让事情变得更好？”

4.“停止行动”

当您被洪水淹没并需要休息时使用此功能。

例子：

• “我可能错了。”

• “请让我们停下来一会儿。”

• “给我一点时间，我会回来的。”

• “让我们一切重新开始吧。”

• “我们在这里求同存异吧。”

• "I'm feeling flooded. Can we take a break and talk about something else for a bit?"

5. "Getting to yes"

Use this when you want to validate your partner or meet them halfway.

Examples:

• "You're starting to convince me."
• "I agree with part of what you're saying."
• "Let's compromise here."
• "I never thought of things that way."
• "I think your point of view makes sense."
• "What are your concerns?"

6. "I appreciate"

Use this when you want to make a repair and add positivity.

Examples:

• "I love you."
• "I understand."
• "One thing I admire about you is..."
• "This is not your problem, it's our problem."
• "Thank you for..."
• "I see your point."

Small repair phrases prevent major damage

Think of a repair as anything that shifts the conversation toward the positive. Make that your goal and work as a team to open up to each other.

The most basic repair is a straightforward apology: "I'm sorry" or "I'm sorry I said that — let me try again."

It can also take the form of empathy or validation: "I understand how you feel" or "That makes sense, when you put it that way."

It can be voiced admiration: "You know what I really appreciate about you? How much you care about our kids. We're disagreeing over which school to pick, but I love how much it matters to you that they have a good education."

Remember, what determines the success or failure of a relationship is how you each respond to the repair.

Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottmanare the co-founders ofThe Gottman InstituteandLove Lab. Married for over 35 years, the two psychologists are world-renowned for their work on relationship stability and divorce prediction. They are also the co-authors of "Fight Right: How Successful Couples Turn Conflict into Connection" and"The Love Prescription: Seven Days to More Intimacy, Connection, and Joy."Follow them onInstagramandTwitter.

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